Redefining Success

The day is starting out to be one of "those" days. You know the ones...you accidentially spill the old coffee grounds on the floor as you (blearily) attempt making a new pot, dropping things, articles rejected, bad hair, arthritic knee, and mental lamenting about crap that happened in the past putting a general pall on things. And I am kicking myself because it is sunny and fabulous outside and here I sit in my wacky pajamas and old man sweater being a big, fat curmudgeon with breasts. A couple of months ago I lost my job. I'd worked my way up (in about 4 short years) to the position of VP at a large nonprofit that shall remain nameless. I'd developed 7 successfully functioning programs in the community and I was damn proud of them. It was devastating to walk into my job on a Monday morning and find my office pack and the CEO telling me my "services" were no longer needed. Talk about a defining moment- or an opportunity to REdefine my working life. Since I was a little child, I dreamed of writing for a living, and honestly had been thinking about phasing my job out over a period of 24 months. Was this the Universe shoving me off the Cliff of Procrastination and forcing me to make the move now? I guess it's how you choose to look at it. Admittedly, I have had a few really bad days. I still miss many things about my job and the people I worked with. I grieve them in fact. But there is another part of me that is relieved. Relieved that I no longer have to deal with the incredible, political, serves-no-purpose bullshit I put up with on a daily basis. I'm sleeping better. I am finishing projects that have been sitting on my drawing table, easle, and computer for months and years. I am accomplishing something. And....I'm writing; as a freelance journalist, researcher and creatively. I finished a draft of my first full-length play and am in the process of rewriting. I finished the illustrations for my children's book YOU ARE LIKE A RAINBOW and sent it off to a publisher (waiting to hear). I have been through boxes and piles and have pulled out a bevvy of things dreamed and wished and have begun to COMPLETE them. What a feeling that is. This morning one of my articles got rejected and it just put me in a bad frame of mind. Rejection of any kind has a way of pushing REPLAY on those bad tapes in our heads and making us feel less than, even for just a moment. However, taking the time here, just now, to remember that I am going forware, I am accomplishing, I am making a positive movement on the path I am creating- it's monumental. This sign on my office wall says "If at first you don't succeed- Redefine success." Indeed.